this dizzy life o' mine

To everyone who is calling for stricter gun laws in light of the tragedy in Tucson, may I offer this little tidbit: If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars drive drunk, and spoons make people fat! Remember: Hold the PERSON accountable for their actions, not just the means they chose to utilize!!! Reposted from another friend’s status message. Don’t just like it…..repost it.

This likely shouldn’t be dignified with a response, but considering it has infiltrated my Facebook newsfeed like no other, I cannot help myself!  I wish I could wrap my brain around WHY people are opposed to stricter gun laws?  I’m not that educated on the subject, but it only makes sense not to put a deadly weapon in the hands of someone who is very obviously mentally ill.  We don’t go giving cars to just anyone, so why are we handing out guns to the good, the bad, and the ugly? 

Handing guns over to dangerous people is like handing a set of keys to the guy who stuck around for last call at the bar.  You don’t do it.  And if you do, people get pissed.  And rightly so.  So, why then, is it the least bit rational to give a DEADLY WEAPON to an individual who’s been banned from his local Community College until he can present that college with a certificate of sound Mental Health that says he is not a threat?  Should that certificate not be presented when purchasing a firearm?

I think I have too many rednecks on my Facebook.  Such is my fate for coming from a one-stoplight town in Southern Indiana.

(via pantslessprogressive)

Take more pictures

Laugh more

Learn to love my job

Connect with technology less

Stop checking Facebook at dinner

Try new things

Be healthier

Form good habits

Put things back where I found them

Live for the now

Keep reading

Write more

Cry less

Judge less

Smile more

Be more genuine

and less sarcastic

Call Granny more often

Learn to be happier with what I’ve got

Exercise my imagination

Rescue dogs

Make differences

Kiss him nightly

Be a good wife

Archie the Quaker Parrot.

Tom Robbins (via scout)

(via sleepanddream)

Tomorrow, I will:

Begin summer classes.

Create

Post some more in here.

Open up my Photoshop for dummies book.

Call my mom.

Love him more and more.

Miss my best friend.

Get to know my new ones.

Rejoice in someone else’s artistic abilities.

Miss you.

I’m so uncomfortable when I’m the only one awake, I feel alone in a way I often do not.  The solitude and quiet remind me of nights and days I’d rather not relive.  So often I’d sit alone in my room reading a book or playing some bullshit 90s CD on repeat, letting myself feel and think about things that now would break me.

I think I’ve built up a wall between the current me and the former me, they don’t like to associate with one another.  But I’m not supposed to run away anymore from the thoughts in my own head, regardless of how irrational they are.

I’m supposed to face them and let myself feel, even if what I’m feeling is scary.

Right now, I just feel empty.  I don’t know what it is or exactly how it’s triggered, I don’t typically feel this way when I’m alone in my house, just when I’m alone in the sense that I’m the only one not sleeping.  It’s like a peace has come to everyone else here that won’t come to me.  I don’t know.  I guess I don’t allow myself to be alone very often because of this feeling I feel.  This feeling I can’t translate into legitimate thought, it’s just like a brick on my chest and a crack underneath it.

I’m happy, for the most part, I am happy.  I have a thousand and one things for which to be grateful, but I can’t shake this feeling, and I can’t trace it either.  Is it the cliche of a childhood I can’t leave behind?  That I don’t know what it’s like to really love myself (who does?) ?

Apprehension.  If I had to give it a name, I’d call it apprehension.  About the future, about the unknown.  That’s what scares me the most.  You think you’ve got it all under control, you’re standing on your own two feet with the past behind you and the present planted firmly beneath you, but then there’s the future in front of you.  The future, that could be filled with so much bliss and beauty, but gauging it against the past it makes you want to ask what else, but also gauging it against the past it makes you terrified to ask what else.  You recall the demons and tragedy that have landed on your doorstep before, and if it’s any indication of what will exist there in the future then you want nothing more than to sleep forever and ignore any future guests or life events.

I know I shouldn’t be scared of living because the sadness and bittersweet irony of it all are supposed to make you stronger and la dee dah dee dah, but what if you never signed up to be superwoman?  How long do you have to fight to remain in control of everything and at what point do you become okay with the terrifying idea that you are really in control of nothing?  I’ve never been in control of much, so I don’t know why this is a new idea for me.

I guess I’m scared that the second I shrug and say it can’t happen to me then it will.  Insert any scenario to which “It wouldn’t happen to me” would be a response and that’s what I’m scared of.

Such an unstable foundation I have.  How sad is it that from the very moment things started to look up I’ve been considering scenarios that would cause them to crash?

This is why I don’t like interacting with my thoughts.

snowblind:

circasurvivor

Sigh…

multi-sighs

I took this picture on a random sidewalk in San Diego.  I was having the time of my life, but then, even in the happiest moment in a state I once only dreamt of going to, I could relate.